when mommy needs a time out….

Every so often, mommy needs a time out.  I have to leave the house without children and do something for myself.  This normally happens after several long days or prolonged screaming fits.

Mommy time outs are really for everyone’s safety!

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So, Sunday after two days of no afternoon naps and at least 3 hours of an upset and screaming (almost) one year old; I handed her kindly to my husband and told him to take the chicken out of the oven when the time went off and I would be out for a walk.

I knew she would go to sleep for him, especially if I left and wasn’t in site or ear shot.  So, I grabbed my keys and little bag.  I went and filled up the car and then drove to the park and walked a lap.  I got to chill and be outside, alone.  It let me vent to myself and clear my fatigue and frustration.

I knew I needed to get out because I had two nights coming up where I would be solo with the kids.  It can make for a long night if you already frustrated.  So, I got it out and went back home and picked up where I left off….cooking and cleaning the kitchen,

When these things happen as well as other things with my kids I question HOW in the world stay at home moms do it?!  God gave me patience but not that much patience.  I love my kids but I’m not ready for full-time all day mommy daycare!

Why mommy needs a time out…..

1. it’s for everyone’s safety

2. if momma is happy, everyone is happy

3. it’s okay to need to take a break

4. give yourself a mental break, chill, and think of all the awesome stuff in your life

5. come back with love, hugs, kisses, and some appreciation for the support you just got so you could walk and have kid free time

with love and kindness,

the mom

Doing what’s best for your child….the teacher or the mom?

Update to a post first written 2 years ago!

So, I gave some damn good advice there!  And I even followed my own advice!  In two years, we have completed the diagnosis process as well as the early intervention process to enter into an IEP and public schools.  Now, we are fine tuning therapy and deciding to use the McKay or Gardiner Scholarship to do ABA full-time.  We have found money, grants and Medicaid!    We have done whatever it takes to get the access to resources for our son with autism.

 

I had a nice conversation today with a co-worker and friend about how to acquire services and money to give our children the best opportunity at success in school.

We are both employees in public school settings but don’t believe that putting our boys in public school is the best choice for them.  So, what’s a mom to do? What’s the teacher to do?  You battle this regularly as a teacher and a mom.  Is that the mom in me or the teacher? Do I tell my students one thing but my children something different?  How can I pay for my child’s education and college with the amount of money that I earn as a teacher?

I have been working and working on getting my son services for a language delay.  My son talks but he really doesn’t communicate his needs or emotions.  He has really done a great job at learning how not to use verbal communication.  He’s such a cutie he just gets what he wants and I’m so guilty of just understanding his needs.  We are pretty connected and when I don’t understand him he has a big tantrum.

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So, now as I move through the evaluation process, we as a family have to make choices.  Do we take him out of the preschool we love? Do we have one on one services a couple of times a week? We are deciding to keep him at his school and do additional services to see how his speech and language improves. Then, we will go from there.

I can’t help but think about long-term.  How can I keep him at this private school? It has been such a huge difference that why would I want to leave.  So, now you have to play the game.  What do I have to do to get this label or that label so that I can have the language and speech services and qualify for scholarship money?

I decided that as a teacher I can not and will not beat myself up about being in the system but not putting my child in that system.  You have to make an individual plan for each of your children and if keeping my son at his private preschool is what is best for him then, whatever services or paperwork is necessary will have to be done.  Or if I need a new job or another job, what’s best for my child is what he will have.

My advice to all parents is do what’s best for your child, do whatever it takes.

The other issue is educate yourself!  This is huge.  You have to educate yourself on how things work and how to get your child the environment, services and support that he or she needs.

 

Things I have learned taking my own advice:

  1. ask a LOT of questions
  2. make a long term plan for your child
  3. identify what skills your child needs for the long term plan
  4. celebrate the “quirks”
  5. teach how to take the “quirks” or negative behaviors into an advantage for your child
  6. find access to a good therapist
  7. laugh and give high fives with your child everyday
  8. be an organized paperwork queen
  9. and a phone call champ
  10. most importantly; NEVER, EVER give up on your child

NewRuth

kids birthday parties

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This is Maximus at his very own private photo shoot that he’s dad spent hours to make and set up and get a nice cake for!  He did great and the big party came and he fell asleep and never smashed his own 1st birthday cake.  Well, now for Social (second child syndrome) I am struggling to get and do all these things that we did so eagerly for Max (first-born syndrome).

We scheduled a time to take some nice pictures of her and it stormed and stormed on our night.  Now, her party is 2 weeks away and we may only get those pictures from her actually party.  I really hope she can stay awake and have a great time smashing her cake.

I don’t know how other moms feel but I feel like there is all this pressure to give your kid this huge party EVERY year!  It’s like at least $300 to throw a minimalist party.  If you want a bounce house or a gym then you are looking at $500.  I think that I must, NO, I know that I’m cheap.  I want to wait to spend that money on a great party on a cool age that my child and friends and family will remember.  Not, at the age of 1 and 3!

So, we are having a party in the park!  There will be food and cake.  I will have table covers and some balloons.  There will be some attempt to give her a theme but my theme is “don’t go over board”.  I think we will have a girl version of “Under the Sea”.   We will bring some balls and games and of course there is the playground. It’s only 2 hours!  I want to see my family and friends smiling and laughing and of course wishing our baby girl, HAPPY BIRTHDAY!

If you expect to have a goody bag to take home; you better grab a soda and sandwich for later!  Enjoy the food and don’t worry I won’t complain when I come to your party and there’s no goody bag.  In fact, I will thank you later.

with love and kindness,

the mom

I’m not really a religious person but …..

I have grown up Baptist my entire life and 100% believe in God.  However, I have this new spirituality that is nearly beyond explanation.

Have you ever asked for something from your heart? Have you ever seen or experienced something that you just can’t explain how that seemed so easy or right or just at the right time?

Is it karma, is it the universe, is it God? What is this unimaginably force that can affect lives both positively and negativity.  I get that bad things happen to good people; but how much good things happen to good people?

I believe now more than ever when you live life with love and kindness with a warm heart to help others that there is a universe of energy, light, and life that is returned to you.

First, I have a man in my life that I asked God for! I was hurt in a previous relationship and during my healing, I would ask over and over for a man with certain traits and characteristics.  It sounded like this:

“Dear God, please deliver me a man who will always walk beside me and be my best friend.  A man who is kind, funny and wants me to be a strong loving person.  A man who is not afraid to let me walk in front and will hold my hand if I fall behind.  Give me a man who values family and wants to create a family together; that plays together, eats together, cries together, and laughs together.  Dear God, please send me a man who will always walk with me in life.”

I have come very close to losing this man who I asked for and was delivered because I didn’t work or act to maintain what his needs were.  Now, I ask for help to learn how to meet those needs and communicate with him because I do believe that he was delivered to me.

Second, my son!  I didn’t understand that’s he’s a miracle.  He had a true knot in his umbilical cord and survived through the delivery with no additional care needed.

Maximus 2 year school pic spring

In the beginning of this year my son’s daycare started neglecting his basic care, there was a shift in attitude from the staff and owner.  I searched and searched for a new place but was not able to find an opening until  June.  Then, I got a call from a preschool that I had called about even thought the start time was not going to work for me to drop him off.  I sent my husband to do the walk through, he liked it.  I picked up paperwork and paid $85 to hold a space for August.  I never meet the director, teacher, or any staff other than the secretary.  One month into the new preschool and I promise that this is a gift.

I believe that my son is at this school to receive love and kindness. He is also at this school to learn and grow.  We are finally getting the help we need for him to develop his language. The universe is delivering what I was searching for in a school for my son.  An environment that mirrors home and loves him for him.

When I left the school with him this week, the teacher said” Bye, Max! I love you!”

I didn’t understand how those 3 little words could change my life and my child’s life.  I LOVE YOU from my son’s teacher!

I believe that the universe or God has placed our family at this school, given Max the best teachers, and helped secure the additional help we need to assist with Max’s language issues.

What has happened in my life has so much to do with my actions and hard work to change the current situations but there is an aspect that is beyond explanation.  I’m not really a religious person but there has to be a positive universal force that is providing the easy changes and light into our family’s life.

So, today: September 25th, 2014 I declare that I will have a marriage with Pierce Brunson that is strong where we walk together in life both achieving our goals and meeting each others needs.  Where we as a family will raise children that are kind, loving, and hard-working.  We will walk together, eat together, cry together, laugh together and grow together to positively impact the universe we live in.

Maybe I’m not religious but….

the universe allow good things to happen to good people who live their life

with love and kindness.

 

the mom

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