Do you ever have those feelings where you are actually looking forward to going to work in the morning. And if only it was time to be up and get ready for the day. That’s how I feel today at 2am. I cannot sleep, I am having real mommy stress. I had no idea that this could actually happen. I legitimately cannot sleep because of the changes that we as a family discussed yesterday.
I woke up with horrible dreams about how this new environment proposed for my son was not doing all the great and amazing things it says it going to do. If you have been following my other posts about getting my son services to help his speech then you are with me now as we continue in this process.
Yesterday, was his IEP meeting to determine services for his delay. It is recommended that we move him from the beloved private school into the special blended public program. So, here is where my mommy stress begins. My child is not typical and I have a long and rather demanding list of safeguards that need to be met in order for me as a mother to NOT worry every DAY/HOUR about his safety and well-being.
Here’s where my brain is going
- Where’s the door?
- How do you get to the playground? …..the cafeteria…..bathroom….
- Who is holding my son’s hand when he transitions from the room?
- What do you do when/if he runs from the room?…cafeteria…etc?….
- Are there always two teachers in the room?
- What do you do when my son has a meltdown/tantrum?
- What do you do when he needs a diaper change? …do you assist with potty practice?…where does he get cleaned?…..How do you send soiled clothing home?…
- What do you do when my son doesn’t want to participate in the social interaction?…or activity?…or therapy?…or eating?…
- Do you hug the students?
- How much outside time/play time to run and jump does he get daily? when is it? for how long?
- How much one on one time does he get with an adult?
- Do you make him participate in arts/crafts?…circle time?….How do you make him able to participate?
- How loud is the room? Does the room seem calm? Does the teacher talk loud or soft? Is there singing and music during the day? during other activities?
Then, if we can get through this list, we can discuss center time, circle time, and curriculum. My brain will not rest because I am almost in tears thinking about all the safeguards I feel are necessary and appropriate for my son to even function in the environment, not learn.
So, the primary and only purpose to move him from his private school to the public program is to provide him with more learning opportunity and to address specific learning goals for Max. I used to always think that it was the structure and learning activities that were important; now, its environmental and emotional.
I want my child in a safe and loving environment first; then we will address learning. I know that I have to fight for my son, I know that I will be writing a LOT of blogs at 2am if I don’t know deep in my core, heart, and head that Max is 100% safe and cared for every hour of everyday that I am not with him.
Everyone wants to help Max but only mommy stresses about the level of care he receives. I am going to make a promise that I will have an open mind. Also, I promise to listen to my gut (my mommy gut) and fight for my child.
Send me your positive thoughts and sleep thoughts also.
with love and kindness,