The grass is greener on the other side…
the perspective and belief that what others have is better than your situation.
How often you have these thoughts?
Confession. I do have these thoughts in relation to my life. It most certainly always relates to my special needs child and our family. I don’t think it can be helped, I’m pretty sure that everyone has these moments of weakness. For me, when I meet other parents of children with special needs and they seem happy, rested and healthy/fit. Once s/he starts to talk about their life and their child you find out that the parents are not together but that they “CO”-parent. Most people say that they have every other weekend and even weekdays that they alternate care and responsibility.
When moms talk about having the weekend off and getting to sleep and getting a pedicure, I get jealous. Man, I want a break and to sleep in and to be free from responsibility every other weekend. I think “man, I would be such a good mom!”
I think that another common grass is greener thoughts apply to having a special needs child. Do you ever see other families out doing activities or even hear others talk about “normal” trips or activities that they do? What are your thoughts?
I don’t normally think “oh, I wish that was us” but I do think well, that doesn’t work for our family.
How I deal with my grass is greener:
- I look down at my grass
- I think about the work it took to grow my grass
- I listen to what the other parents on the “greener” grass complain about
Looking down at my child, my beautiful son with autism has brought me so much in my life and he has made me a better person and mother. I also see my husband and think about how lucky I am to have a good man. No matter our situation he will always do right for our children. I also think about how far we have grown together as a family. So many people deal with denial and divorce with their special needs/autism children. Then when I think about my husband’s hard work, I truly see how green our grass is.
Side note about green grass: our yard has transformed in the last year at our house! All because of the work and time that my husband has put into making it grow and be green. He has done all the work himself. From removing trees, roots, debris, cement pavers, and weeds; he’s done it all. Then he has added fertilizer, weed killer, ant killer, etc… so much that I don’t even know all the details. We didn’t spend a ton of money on new grass or sprinkler system; he just keep treating and feeding the grass. You can take a lot from his example about marriage and life. If you don’t spend time working on making your grass green it will turn brown and die.
If you really listen to what and how people talk about their life and child, we all have our victories and challenges. Although, I may wish I had every other weekend off; I would miss the time we get together. It’s not easy making a marriage work, especially for families with special needs children. We all have something we find fault with in our situation and we all look at others with rose colored glasses. It’s so easy today for people to live a life that seems beautiful and fun within their social media accounts but we only see what others are willing to share.
It’s time to stop, look around and see what great people and things we have going on in our lives. Then, decide what we can spend our time working on to improve. I don’t believe in giving up and finding new grass, keep growing life with a whatever it takes attitude. It’s not easy but it’s worth it.